jointstereotype: If I see another CAPTCHA I'm going to flip.

rygar: Dude, what's a CAPTCHA?

jointstereotype: Those garbled letters and numbers you have to type in before sending a message to certain people on MySpace.

rygar: I hate those. I always get the fucked-up ones that have the letter "l" and the number "1". Or else I get one that has a "0" and an "O".

jointstereotype: Yup. Royal pain in the ass. It's counterproductive for a social networking site to have its users solving puzzles and riddles instead of actually posting messages. I mean, I've already logged in, right? What's the point of having that initial authentication if you're just going to be required to re-authenticate 5, 10, 15 times or more per session, depending on the number of comments you're posting?

rygar: Fiack MySpace. I still get spam on there all the time.

jointstereotype: Me too. Big-breasted women with liberal webcams send me messages that they want to chat with me.

rygar: Forward them to me.

jointstereotype: What, are you saving free preview images to your hard drive now?

rygar: Hey, free preview porn is superior to high definition porn in that the lower the resolution, the less chance there is of you spotting a zit or wart in the wrong place.

jointstereotype: As much as your porn-viewing habits disgust me, you have a point.

rygar: That's why I'll never buy porn on Blu-ray. Too much clarity. Too many wrinkles, too many pimples. Ruins the fantasy. And have you ever seen a really hot chick in a free preview image, only to find out, after you've whipped out your credit card and paid the $39.99 fee, that she's not so hot at 1680x1050 as she looked at 100x100?

jointstereotype: That's it. From now on I'm requiring that you use a CAPTCHA before messaging me.

rygar: You messaged me, bro.

jointstereotype: Oh. Right.

rygar: If I'd been the one to invent CAPTCHA technology, I'd have made it a little more lucrative.

jointstereotype: How so?

rygar: Instead of letters and numbers, have a bunch of breasts mixed in with some melons, basketballs, and grapefruits. Guess the number of actual breasts correctly and you're in. Of course, the image would have to be really artsy—maybe paint the basketballs and grapefruits to look like breasts. Keep it challenging. I'd call it a SEXTCHA.

jointstereotype: Oh yeah. I'm sure women will want to stare at breasts every time they post a message.

rygar: That's the beauty of it: depending on which sex you entered during the sign-up process, you either get boobs and basketballs, or dicks and sausages.

jointstereotype: Fuck that. You know how buggy these things can be. I just know I'd keep getting male SEXTCHAs even though I'm a guy.

rygar: Okay, third option: beat a level of Tetris before your message is sent.

jointstereotype: Congratulations.

rygar: ?

jointstereotype: You've convinced me that regular CAPTCHAs aren't that bad.

"Text Message" #2008-04-16 © 2008 Jesse Gordon