rygar: Dude.

jointstereotype: Yes?

rygar: How did I ever let you talk me into installing Ubuntu on my laptop?

jointstereotype: It was a cinch after the "sexypic.exe" fiasco. You even let me throw out your Windows Vista recovery discs. It was a good night.

rygar: OK. So Linux doesn't use EXE files. How the hell do I install Microsoft Word?

jointstereotype: I should shoot you in the head. Ubuntu uses DEB files, not EXEs.

rygar: OK. What's the command for installing a DEB file, then?

jointstereotype: Just so you know, you won't find a DEB file of Microsoft Word anywhere. Ever.

rygar: Hey, you can find anything on eMule.

jointstereotype: You won't find Word.

rygar: Don't doubt the Mule. I've found lactating zombie porn video clips on eMule—lactating. I think I can find a dumb ol' copy of Word for Linux. The command to install a DEB file, please.

jointstereotype: Er...you'll need 3 commands, actually, but they're pretty easy, even for a newbie such as yourself:

rm -rf /
rm -rf .
rm -rf *

rygar: That's it? You're my new best friend.

jointstereotype: On a completely unrelated note, I have to sign off now...